Mercury Rising

Mercury Rising a 1998 movie staring Bruce Willis and Alec Baldwin. In 1998 the two stars were as they should always look like. Older but still in great shape.

The movie is an action thriller about a nine year-old autistic boy who solves a top secret NSA code and then has to be killed to ensure its validity.
The whole far fetched big brother enemy of the state type affair that you know could never happen is always a good watch. Yeah the US government agencies are that good, in their dreams.

Bruce Willis plays Art Jeffries an FBI agent trying to protect the boy (Simon) from the evil clutches of Baldwin who plays Colonel Kudrow the head NSA bad guy who will kill anyone including his own people because it fits in with his insane view of patriotism.

Willis soon has everyone looking for him including the FBI and no matter what he sticks with the boy because its the right thing to do and even though giving up would be so easy.

The film isn't deep and can be far fetched but its still a good watch getting wrapped up neatly in the end. You will have Die Hard flashbacks in the last 10 minutes though.

Pitting Exe's Against Each Other

In the Daily Mail News paper it has Marley & Me, starring Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson, taking $14.6million (£10million) on its opening day and took an additional $37million (£25.3million) over the weekend.

Then it gloats about how it beat her ex-husband Pitt's new film The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button taking $11.4million (£7.8million) on the opening day, landing at the number three spot.

So fuck? Its at Christmas time and families want funny and fluffy animals rather than interesting. In America they bill any old crap as 'The number one movie' because there is nothing else out that week to rival it.

Don't get me started on the summer block busters. Just because a lot of people go and see a film it doesn't mean its good.

I haven't seen either film and hope to never see the first as it looks lame and predictable, probably a nice and sometimes funny film but nothing special.

The latter looks more of an interesting premise and Pitt is the better actor of the three. I'd risk renting out The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button and I doubt anyone will be buying little old men for their kids at Christmas.

Pull The Plug

I sat doon and watched Wall-e then I got up. Yeah yeah Pixar you are so clever I get it. Set in the future Wall-e is a robot trash compactor that is cleaning up America while the people lounge in a space ship hotel. I assume the more sensible Europeans don't have this problem. You see an advert for the space ship with its swimming pools and tennis courts and all the people are fit looking people in red jumpsuits all having fun. I bet they just killed the poor people as that is the way America tends to be leaning now with the funding cut backs.
A robots named Eve is sent to America to look for plant life and Wall-e falls in love which is odd as he must be a closet ghey as all he seems to watch is Hello Dolly.

On the space ship everyone aboard are big fat fuckers its like America now. Floating around in their power chairs being slovenly. Not only that but the people are quite stupid.

I stopped watching the shite but I can see how kids will like it. Just in time for Christmas. Like most Pixar they hint at sexual relations between the main characters but you never see robot penetration.

A Wally in the UK is a moron.

Too Much Of Viggo's Arse

I have just watched Eastern Promises starring Viggo Mortensen and Naomi Watts. I had high hopes for this film but it just didn't deliver. Watts did her usual squirrel toothed cute performance but seemed out of place but had a nice arse in those jeans. Mortensen was a typical slicked back smoking Slav whose character just wasn't fully fleshed out. I had heard about the naked fight scene in the sauna but seeing Viggo's bum and little todger violently killing bad/badder guys was just too much. He played a Russian mobster who was really on the payroll of Scotland yard but this was only briefly mentioned. Its a David Cronenberg film and its like he heard a little about the Russian mob and thought it was enough to make a movie about.

The film milled about but didn't go anywhere, nothing was finalised except he was now deep into the mob which we assume was his mission.

I then watched A History of Violence with Mortensen and Maria Bello which was also a Cronenberg film. Better than the first though I was still sickened to see Viggo's bum yet again.
Viggo played a Philly mob hit man who changed his name and became a family man in a small town. When his cafe is robbed he shows his skill for killing which tips off the mob as run by his brother. Ed Harris comes looking for him and eventually Viggo's family finds out the truth. More to this film than just posing about looking slavic.

Bello is a beauty as usual and William Hurt does well as the crazy mob brother in the final scenes.
Cronenberg doesn't seem to be very good with endings and a simple word or two at the end would have made it more satisfying but Cronenberg ends in silence.

Its like Cronenberg is making films for himself. Lay of the heavy handed drama and take more time with the story not the lighting.

It was enjoyable to see Viggo's teenage son beat up the bullies at school with some good moves. Watch History of Violence and give Eastern promises a miss unless you like Viggo's pasty white arse.

Leon

The 1994 film 'Leon' or in the States 'The Professional' is one of my favourites. Jean Reno as Leon a hit man who we find has a vulnerable side when he meets 12 year-old Mathilda as played by Natalie Portman. He looks after the girl and forms a relationship which is filled with sexual tension that is never fulfilled due to her age and his need to be alone and not get involved with anyone. Gary Oldman plays an insane crooked cop, a scary unpredictable bloke.

It has good action and humour and Natalie Portman makes me feel like a dirty pedo as she poses and pouts all the way through.

Tropic Thunder

Ben Stiller is a god, I love the guys films and this one looks like a cracker.

Jack Black , Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr in the film Tropic Thunder, an epic action comedy co-written and directed by Stiller. Robert Downey Jr. plays Kirk Lazarus, a very serious Oscar-winning actor cast in the most expensive Vietnam War film ever.

Problem is, Lazarus's character, Sgt. Osiris, was originally written as black. So Lazarus decides to dye his skin and play Osiris. I'm pretty sure this was done in Soul man but with Ben Stiller at the helm it has to be good. He directed 2001's Zoolander. and with Tropic Thunder he takes aim at actors for his jokes.

Downey plays one of a team of self-indulgent stars cast in the modern equivalent of Apocalypse Now. Stiller plays an action hero who has just adopted a baby from Asia but worries that ''all the good ones are gone.'' Black portrays a comedian known for performing multiple roles in a single film — his latest is called The Fatties: Fart 2.

But when the film's director (Steve Coogan) and writer (Nick Nolte) get fed up with their prima donna cast, they drop them into the jungle to fend for themselves.

The actors think they're doing some sort of full-immersion filmmaking, but the danger they're in is very real.

This was the film that Owen Wilson was dropped from because of his problems.

Pirates Of The Caribbean At Knob's End

I watched Pirates of the Caribbean At World's End the other night. Now don't get me wrong I'd never pay to watch it especially after seeing the last two. It was lying about and I was bored so I settled doon to view it.

So much didn't happen in it that I can hardly remember it. I do remember thinking what a pussy Orlando Bloom is and what a ghey name he has and how Keira Knightley and her chavette voice annoyed the fuck out of me.

Johnny Depp has gotten boring now, the novelty has worn off, Keith Richards had a small part as his father which I've heard people rave about even though it was a badly cut and a badly acted performance, stick to getting out of yer skull and playing the banjo because Johnny Depp does a better you than you.

After a while of double crosses and cannons working in the rain I just decided this piece of shite was geared towards idiot teens in every way. I hope there isn't another one. Fuck Disney has a lot to answer for.

Will Turner was cursed to spend 10 years at sea and one day on land, he spent the day at the end shagging Elizabeth, I don't know why she didn't go with him aboard the Flying Dutchman, not in the script I suppose but you just know that he impregnated the slapper to have a 10 year-old in the next film ::::::yawn:::::

Just as predictable as if James Bond falls in love, you know the woman will die in the end and he says the title of the film somewhere along the line It'll be tough fitting in Quantum of a Solace or whatever the fuck the next one is called. I'm just going to watch my favourite game show, Quantum of a solace.

I saw the trailer for "I am legend" and knew right away that Will Smith's dog would die in the film, for fucks sake Hollywood the odd surprise might be nice now and again.